Out from the Depths

Gah! Blogger has a new look. I knew it had been a while but I didn't think it had been THAT long. Not only is there the guilt from leaving behind the blog for a couple months, but now I feel older still. Kids these days and their new-fangled technology... Who am I kidding; no "kid of today" actually writes in a blog anymore. LiveJournal and Xanga can sit down in the nursing home of blog sites, because tumblr is here as a young, brash, camera whore of a blog. I suppose even though the majority of posts are pictures (or better, pictures with words on it so as to replace an actual blog entry), it would still be called a weblog, so thus "blog". Bah, and now I've said blog too much and the word doesn't make sense anymore.

Anyway, like I said, I'm feeling quite old because it's getting a bit more mind-boggling/it's taking me a bit longer/the amount of features is almost too overwhelming... to figure all this stuff out. I'm growing into one of those adults that need the tween kid to show me how to copy and paste things from the Edit menu. I used to be the prime age group to pick this stuff up like second nature and now it's growing at a faster, quicker-than-IM pace than I can keep up on. Who would have thought IM would be considered "slow"? Nowadays, it's all about multitasking and taking a picture to broadcast to your group of 1034 friends about what you're doing. Whatever happened to the Buddy List of people you could pick and choose to relay information to?

Well, okay, fine. This "Word Document" format for a post isn't so bad. Has it always auto-saved the draft like that? Niiiice.

Anyway, I think I'm past my Writer's Block. Now it's a matter of not ending up a dumb lump on a log. I'm looking into these Khan Academy-esque sites that teach you things you might want to know and ought to know. If I learn at least one new thing a week, it might be enough to keep me from falling into a depression related to how my intellectual prime must have been my 3rd year of college when I juggled different subjects effortlessly. I have a brain that is aware of itself and its surroundings...! Because of this fact, the amount and quality of the stuff I can learn... the possibilities are endless.

Kindle FIYAH

My Gmail inbox

I got a new Kindle Fire this past Tuesday, courtesy of my sweetheart Jeb. I may have gotten a little carried away with the free apps they have for purchase... As evidenced by all the receipts I got in my inbox afterward.

Thus far, I really like it as a comparatively cheap alternative to a full blown laptop or iPad. It suits me perfectly for what I want it to do, though my phone is ahead of it purely for its 3G "update anywhere" capability. Otherwise, Kindle Kindle Kindle! I can't easily create word documents like I could a laptop but pshposh, who's creating word documents anymore? I want to read my entertainment and watch sometimes too. Everything else is what my desktop can do. 

I just read "The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion" after having seen different views on it and I've got to say, the hypocrisy of the people talked about is infuriating. I realize people have strong views for things but it seems like they should be more aware of what they're voting for and the effect it will have in the long term. While I've come upon an age and time in my life where I would probably keep my baby should an unplanned pregnancy come along, it seems wrong to deny the procedure for anyone else should they choose to have it. 

I'm sure people would argue how there will be women who come in and have them as a form of birth control, but there will also be the ones that were raped, those who have a life-threatening pregnancy, and those who feel it's not the right time in life to have a baby because they are too young or ill-prepared in life for one. I respect that, even if I wouldn't have one myself. That's the beauty of having a choice. And it kills me that with a lack of low-cost clinics around, cuts on welfare, a bad economy where people have to work hard to survive if they can find work in the first place... it's only perpetuating a cycle of children who come into the world that can be neglected, abused, malnourished, poor, or raised by ill-equipped people to be parents. And if their upbringing affects them deeply enough to make bad decisions that would result in an unplanned pregnancy that nothing could be done about, it'll be the children of those children who would be next to suffer in the cycle.

Finish Up

A reading challenge appears! Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a book that has a movie coming out in June 2012. My friend and I have decided to have a mini two-person book club for it, to see if it's any good. I fear that if I successfully complete the challenge (finish it by March 31st), I will be forced to read more for said book club. This may or may not actually be a bad thing.

I've had problems finishing things for a while now. I hardly ever beat video games, I don't tend to watch many movies or TV series, and finishing a book is like pulling teeth. I'm pretty sure wallowing in self-pity about how I don't watch movies very often isn't as conducive as spending the same amount of time just watching something. Recently, I was made to sit down and watch The Book to Eli starring Denzel Washington, and it was actually really good! A good twist always makes something awesome, and even more so if it makes the second viewing great.

In any case, I've debated about whether I should buy a paperback or ebook copy and I think I'm going to go with the electronic version. This "cloud" of data nowadays makes identity theft even more terrifying but it's so forward-thinking as far as being renewable, less matter consumption, and cutting down on piracy. After having a good portion of my games on Steam and recently discovering Spotify, it's hard to see why I'd ever buy physical media again as long as I had the internet.

Life Happens

The day was a crappy one but it ended well enough, with conflict resolution and all...! I can only hope things will look up for the new week. At least it's raining this weekend, and I'll try not to venture out if I can help it. *cue hot chocolate & cozy blanket*

We're having friends over tomorrow evening and it should be sweeeet. Even more so because I just found out they might have to move a few states away sooner rather than later, due to life and its happenings. Good friends are hard to make, and they were definitely on that list. :') 

I can't get too upset because this type of stuff, this change, is what happens when you grow up, grow older, and have to adapt to the circumstances given to you. The independence I have now and the control I can exert on said circumstances is kind of... empowering. I realize I sound like a kid who has just realized they can use their allowance to buy candy at the store, but I don't think I've ever taken much time to take a step back and think about how far I've come. Of course, with great power comes great responsibility and so it's a bit intimidating if I think too hard about how the safety net ends with me rather than my parents now.

Sometimes, I just feel like a kid's mind inside an older adult's body. And wonder if I'm the only one and everyone actually knows what they're doing as opposed to feeling like an impostor like I do.

Cutting of the Ribbon

New blog! Like newly fallen snow, it is soon trampled and left to melt-- wait, no. That was a horrible simile. Let me back up.

I'm Jacki and I have terrible, terrible writer's block right now. I'm not quite sure when it started but I do know that there's something holding me back. From writing in my paper journal to restarting a blog and establishing it (again), I keep wanting to get something done, something down on paper, something that will show me an archive of the amount of entries for months I've written in. But I'm held back by something. And I don't know what it is. :/

Well! I've decided to take the plunge and assume the only thing that is holding me back is me. So here is my blog. I hope it's coherent enough. I'm still not sure how often I'll fill this thing, or what I'll talk about. But there's that nagging doubt again, not doing much to prove me wrong that it was me all along. Can I be correct and incorrect at the same time...?

Anyway, the title of this new blog kind of describes how I've perpetually felt as far as putting my thoughts down go. What am I thinking about? What to say, what to say... "Nothing." It's like all my thoughts lined up and all took a step back when I'm confronted with the question, leaving nary a single sentence to utter. Better to look idle then, than to stutter and stumble around, stammering "well, like, it's just, like, you know" until you can almost hear the audible *click* of people's brains shutting off.

I had meant to start this in January, for the new year. Oh welllll. There's has to be a beginning to everything!